Husband Declares Me To Be Loser…

…of the Great Macaroni and Cheese Cook-Off of 2007.  And also for writing a blog.  And just for general loserishness.

When I heard that I’m Mad and I Eat was teaming up with Seriously Good (nice to meet you) for a mac-n-cheese-off, I couldn’t wait to join in.  Seemed like fun.  Good, cheesy fun.  Except that I don’t really like mac ‘n cheese.  In fact, I think it’s kind of gross.  Minor detail.

I like macaroni.  I love cheese.  All mathematical principles point to my liking, even loving, the two together.  But if there’s anything you can’t trust, it’s math.  And when the answer to the equation is dried-out, mealy cheese on dried-out, chewy macaroni, well, that’s the part I’ve never been able to get past in every single homemade variation I’ve ever tasted.

Still, I saw an opportunity here.  A chance to change my own tune or, failing that, having someone else change it for me.  Perhaps, somewhere in this wide world, there existed a pasta and cheese combination tailor-made for me, just waiting to be discovered?  I put on my thinking cap and sat.  For a very long time.

I considered goat cheese, but suspected I might have a problem achieving the right texture.  I heard murmurs of blue cheese and thought that might be a good idea.  But, what, don’t I have an original thought in my head?  I guess not, because what I eventually came up with was Gruyére and white wine, and where have I seen that before?  Hmmmm.

So, I dug out my favorite fondue recipe and promptly started scheming.  I chose corkscrew-shaped pasta in keeping with the wine theme.  Also, in homage to Silvertone Bar & Grill in Boston (it’s not stealing if it’s in homage), home of the single macaroni and cheese experience I actually enjoyed .  I grabbed a bottle of crappy, but not too crappy, white wine and started pouring.  Pouring and melting cheese, melting and pouring.

The result?  Well, the conversation with my husband went something like this:

Him: You lose.

Me: But, you don’t even know what the other people came up with, yet.

Him: I don’t have to know.  There would have to be cigarette ashes in theirs for you not to lose.

Me: But, it tastes just like fondue.

Him: I don’t like fondue.

Me: You don’t?

Him: No.  I was lying all those times because you only made me eat it once a year.

Splendid.  But, I’m not throwing in the towel just yet.  If you like fondue, I do believe you’ll like this variation, especially the torn and buttered bread crumbs on top.  I sure did.  It stayed moist.  It wasn’t mealy, although keep in mind that all real cheese congeals when cool.  Best of all, it’s the winiest!

Fondue Mac

2-3 cups cavatappi pasta
½ lb. Gruyére cheese
½ lb. Emmenthaler cheese
2 Tbsp. flour
1 clove garlic
2 cups dry white wine
1 Tbsp. lemon juice
1 Tbsp. kirsch (or more)
Dash nutmeg and paprika
1 Tbsp. butter
½ cup fresh breadcrumbs (or just torn-up baguette)

Preheat oven to 350ºF.  Grease a medium baking dish.  Cook pasta in salted water until tender. 

Finely dice cheese and toss with flour.  Cut garlic clove in half, rub on inside of medium pot, and discard.  Pour wine into pot and heat until hot but not boiling.  Add lemon juice.  Add cheese in four parts, stirring constantly in between, waiting until the previous cheese has melted before adding more.  Add kirsch and spices.

Add half of the cooked pasta to the cheese.  Add more pasta until you’re satisfied there’s enough pasta in there, but there’s still some cheese pooling on the bottom.  You want that cheese pool.  It’ll keep things moist in the oven.  I’d err on the side of too much cheese, because you can never have too much cheese, but that’s just me.  Pour into greased baking dish.

In a small frying pan, melt butter.  Add breadcrumbs and toss until sufficiently buttery.  Sprinkle over pasta and bake until bubbly and lightly brown, about 30 minutes.  Broil the top briefly, if desired.

Comments

[abby]

sounds like your husband is skating on thin ice with those comments! as for your description of macaroni cheese using the words mealy, dried out and chewy - that's just wrong! loving the fondue approach though!

[Dad]

I LOVE fondue! (hint, hint, hint)!

[wren]

While I don't know that I am a huge fondue fan, I do vote for yours as the best blog post of the lot.

[Tammy]

Thanks, Abby. I'm looking forward to saying goodbye to those adjectives.

Dad, I think there needs to be at least 24 hours between when I send you home with food and when you request more. Don't tell me you ate it all already? Pace yourself, man.

[Tammy]

How did you sneak ahead of me, Wren? Now it looks like I totally ignored your comment when, if fact, I'm quite flattered. Thanks!

[sher]

Boy--what a wonderful idea! That would taste fantastic!

[kevin]

Tammy,
I think you need a new husband, that looks good to me.

[Stacie]

sounds yummy to me! the hubby needs to make his own mac maybe! ;D This was fun, and fun to see what others came up with...

[cookiecrumb]

Frack-tastic! I am so way, way impressed. Fondue mac 'n' cheese. Corkscrew pasta. Brilliant. (I'm, um, going to re-create this recipe at my house -- in *homage,* you understand.)

[Dad]

I told you to dump that guy! Come on home and bring all that food..... it will give me something to do while you're cleaning the place!
And what's this 24 hour rule? I never agreed to anything so irrational!

[Lannae]

Fondue mac and cheese, what a fabulous idea! Ya gotta love it! Nice job!

[The Husband - A Rebuttal]

Just so all of you know, I love Tammy's cooking. In fact, my steady gains in poundage over the years is a testament to her awesome skills. And to my ability to drive right past the gym on the way home.

The ashes comment was made in jest and of course many other people who like fondue would be glad to partake. I do concede that the idea is clever, was well executed, and made for a fantastic presentation worthy of a photo spread or restaurant menu.

I don't like cheese fondue.

[Tammy]

Cheese fondue doesn't like you, either. But, thanks for all the nice things you said about me!

[Throwing gas on the fire]

Kevin likes Tammy! Kevin likes Tammy!

[Tammy]

Ah, the sweet sound of sixth grade all over again. Except Kevin liked Joanna, not me. And his name was Todd.

[The cartoon eating no longer vegetarian bitch]

Can I just say that I love your blog!