Reason #12 Not To Read My Blog: Vomit

I’ve vomited in half the restaurants in Boston.

Actually, that’s an overstatement.  I’ve vomited AFTER eating in half the restaurants in Boston.  I’ve vomited inside of only a few.  So far.  This also applies to the restaurants on Cape Cod, where I got married, as well as our honeymoon destination, Hawaii.  This was not the sort of action my husband was expecting.

To be clear, it’s not that the food stinks in fully half of our area restaurants.  Nor does it indicate an alarming fixation on my waistline.  It just happens.  Sometimes there’s warning and sometimes there isn’t. 

I’ve never found a correlation between what I eat and whether or not I get sick.  However, the ratio of deliciousness multiplied by how much I enjoyed myself is always directly proportional to the force and magnitude of my post-indulgent hurl fest.  That I might find myself doubled over the porcelain express fighting for consciousness actually says a thing or two about just how good the meal was. 

In fact, it’s an honor.

As you might imagine, this has made reviewing restaurants a bit of a challenge.  Thanks for holding out your ice bucket as I vomit in your general direction, as well as wiping up the errant splatters on your six-top, but your duck may have been a smidgeon on the greasy side.  On the upside, they take my criticism very seriously.

As it turns out, this situation has a medical name: acquired angioedema.  Translation: an unexplained explosion of the intestines.  Like I hadn’t figured that out.  Luckily, medication keeps it somewhat under control. 

I bring this up not just for a possibly lucrative outpouring of sympathy, but also because the more I’ve discussed this out loud, the more I’ve discovered just how common gastrointestinal issues really are.  Not a sexy topic.  But the more we can talk about it like mature adults, the sooner we can erupt into freestyle oral ejection and projectile diarrhea with dignity and maybe even a little bit of pride.

Comments

[cookiecrumb]

I sometimes get nervous from all the pressure involved with big-deal dining (money, reservations, see'n'be seen, etc.), which totally screws up my digestion. Oh, yeah, and the part where I forget to chew.
But it doesn't sound like what's happening to you.

[Crohn's Pride!]

Say it loud, I've got an intestinal ailment and I'm proud!

[Julie]

Seriously, I have this problem too, although it doesn't sound as bad as yours. I just can't eat too many different flavors at one sitting, if I do, its full oral jet propulsion. Yes, I'm attractive.

[Heath]

It's like the vomitorium of ancient Rome! I guess the pleasure is in the tasting, not the digesting - it doesn't sound like it ruins the experience for you.

I wouldn't be as cool about it as you are - it sounds like you take it in stride, but throwing up makes me totally cry and be a huge baby. I'd rather suffer through HOURS of feeling gross than throw up for 3 minutes and get it over with.

[Tammy]

Heath, don't be fooled. I don't exactly take it in stride while it's going on. I still feel the dread, prolong the inevitable, if possible. But once you're on track, there's no stopping it, for me anyway. Might as well laugh about it later (much later).

CC, CP, and J, I salute you!

[Ash]

I always feel ill and can't eat when we go out to dinner. And when we go on holiday it's even worse - weeks of feeling nauseous and miserable. I don't think it's anything like your problem though - mine is just nerves.

[Tammy (Boston Food & Whine)]

Have you ever been checked for food allergies? Food allergies often present themselves with the body "rejecting" the offending food. Worth a try... but ask yourself this question first... are you willing to give up dairy, soy, nuts, eggs and/or wheat? As they are the most common offenders!!!

[Tammy (Boston Food & Whine)]

BTW... I don't meet many other Tammy's! You must have been born in either the mid to late sixties or the early 70's. I'm 1968!!!